HomeEmail me at jeffstonemusic@yahoo.com
Jeff Stone
PO Box 7156
Station A
Toronto, ON
M5W 1X8
Canada
Autumn,1998
Dear Friends,
What follows is a continuation of notes I made on my coast-to-coast travels.
Evil Biting Worms Attack Saskatoon
I am sitting in a Smitty's Family Restaurant with a question; if a seafood restaurant serves seafood, what does a family restaurant serve? Luckily, Tom, Leela and I are not a family. I like our chances of escape. The past 74 hours are this in a nutshell, but mostly in a car.
I was at my cousin's place in Parkdale. Leela Gilday, folk singer-songwriter, picked me up in her car, because she is pretty strong.
The most impressive thing about picking me up in her car was not heaviness of the car itself; it is the heaviness of her luggage. With two people and their stuff still to enter the car, the ashtray was empty and that was about it. And I didn't want to put my guitar in there because I didn't want her cigarette ashes on it.
By bending the time-space continuum, we were able to fit my luggage and, finally, most of myself in the car. We drove to Tom's place, hoping he had no luggage, and had shrunk to less than an inch tall, whereupon Leela and I would take turns keeping him in our pockets. When we arrived at his place, we found that we could not count on him for such things.
Some of you have seen the movie Teen Wolf. Hopefully you at least didn't see it in a theatre and had to pay money. If you saw it in a theatre and your date bought the ticket, hopefully you dumped them. If you have not seen Teen Wolf, you are probably living a fulfilling life, so don't worry about it. However, there is a scene in the movie where Michael J. Fox is surfing on the hood of the movie auto while "Surfing USA" is serving as the soundtrack. This is how we were forced to leave Toronto; with Tom on the hood of the car, surfing highway 401, carrying his belongings. Instead of The Beach Boys, though, we had The Gypsy Kings blaring, and Tom almost threw himself of the roof in protest. Also different was the fact that Tom didn't put on the wolf outfit. (I'm sure that in Leela's luggage, there must have been a wolf outfit. Everything else was there.)
Realizing that was too dangerous, we took a page out of "Cape Fear". If you have not seen Cape Fear, think of The Simpson's episode (which was a spoof of the movie) where Sideshow Bob follows Bart and "The Thompsons" to their boathouse hideaway, gripping on to the axle under the car.
And now, the reason why this chapter is named "Evil Biting Worms Attack Saskatoon". On Spadina Avenue, Leela explained that we could not camp in Saskatoon.
"Why not?", chorused Tom and I. (Singer-songwriters are good at choruses.)
"Because my friend told me that they have worms there."
"So?"
"They're evil (pause) biting worms." Then Leela started laughing, as Leela often does. Tom and I laughed, too. Everyone was merry.
As I am writing this, I am able to see how this may not be funny after all. You had to be there. It was a moment. Bear with me people. It is pertinent information. Anyway, we decided to call the tour The Evil Biting Worms Tour. Please continue.
The Second Coincidence, With Many More To Come
It's not music related, but absolutely true. And it fits a theme. Stay with me.
Halfway between Toronto and Sudbury is the place of my birth and early childhood: beautiful Parry Sound. It is not my home, and the home of Bobby Orr, and the home of the 30,000 Islands Cruise. Most famously, it is the home of my Nana. We stopped at Nana's for lunch.
Nana did the polite thing and asked where Tom and Leela were from.
Tom answered Vancouver. Leela answered the place of her birth and childhood; Yellowknife.
"I know someone from Yellowknife", said Nana, "well, I don't know the person, but I know of them. She married a Toronto boy".
Ah, yes, polite conversation.
Then, following a pause, Nana offered "Gilday".
Leela, as well as Tom and I were shocked. Leela said "Cindy?"
"Yes, that's right."
"That's my Mom!"
"Oh, so you're Pat's niece."
"Yes."
"Oh, I've been friends with Pat since I was in school."
Now, what are the odds on that? The one person Nana knows of in Yellowknife is the mother of the girl sitting on her deck eating lunch and touring with her Grandson. Just thought I'd share that.
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In my last letter, I re-printed a letter that someone wrote to me, and with the continuation of letters coming my way, I would like to make the re-printing of some of your letters a regular feature in my notes to you.
Now, do not be frightened to write to me. If you want your letter to stay private, just say so. Or, swear a lot in it.
This week's letter is from Randall Grossman of Toronto. He writes:
Dear Occupant,
We will be cutting off water to your apartment this coming Wednesday between 9 am and 5 pm. We apologize for any inconvenience this may cause.
Sincerely,
Randall Grossman
Superintendant
Thank you Randall for your kind letter. And keep that mail rolling in!
Until my next letter,
Jeff Stone