Any negative tone toward Bionic and Tricky Wood is intended for humourous purposes only.
HomeEmail me at jeffstonemusic@yahoo.com
Jeff Stone
PO Box 7156
Station A
Toronto, ON
M5W 1X8
Canada
Holiday Season,1998
Dear Friends,
What follows is a continuation of notes I made on my coast-to-coast travels.
Thunder Bay or Busk
In Sudbury, Tom called up Laurentian University's radio station, and got us an interview. They just thought our story was cool, and wanted to talk to us. We were interviewed at CKLU and they played a song off my CD. Leela and Tom individually played songs into a single microphone.
That night we camped outside of Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario. Leela set up her own tent and then ours. Yes, she did all the work. Tom and I the incompetents did not have a clue what we were doing. Well, it was a weird tent. We figured it out the next time, and were fine from there.
In the morning, Leela and I swam in Lake Superior for combined 7/10ths of a second. At the Tim Horton's in town, an individual decided to comment, sans provocation, on the bad hair day I was having. I am a sweet guy, and I did not force said individual to drink from the toilet.
We drove nearly 700 km to Thunder Bay, set up camp in the dark, and busked downtown near a dance club. We made $11.50.
On Sunday, we drove to Winnipeg, set up camp outside of town at a trailer park.
Why Are Doughboys Alumni Following Us?
So we got into Sudbury on Friday, June 19, arranged for the radio interview, and the radio programmer at CKLU very nicely called "the coolest bar" in town to see if he could get us on the bill. He couldn't, because Bionic and Tricky Woo were playing. Bionic is a Montreal band that includes alumni of The Doughboys and Change of Heart. The Doughboys is an alternative rock band that enjoyed some success in Canada from the late '80s until the mid-'90s. Their biggest hit is probably "Shine", a most excellent song. Change of Heart won $100,000 in a Toronto radio best new band contest a few years ago. Change of Heart can include The Tragically Hip as fans of them.
When we got to Thunder Bay, Tom found out about a place that might allow us play with no notice, but guess what? Bionic and Tricky Woo were playing there. In Winnipeg, we found the alternative paper listings, and Tricky Woo and Bionic were playing that same night.
We grew concerned. There was a plot against us, and we did not know what any of us had ever done against either Bionic or Tricky Woo. They were matching us date for date, city for city. We had found our arch-nemesis.
When we pulled up into The State, a live club in Regina, Saskatchewan, and there was a little van out front with a Quebec licence plate, we knew that the time had come to face our rivals. Or one of them, anyway.
We snuck up. Tom stood by the driver's door, Leela by the passenger door, me by the sliding back door, passenger side.
One...two...THREE!
We opened the doors and grabbed the guy in the van. Tom threw him against the side of the door, spun him around to disorient him, and Leela and I grabbed him and held him.
"State your band name!" screamed Tom.
"Tricky Woo! Tricky Woo!"
Tom's punches flew. One smash after another into the gut. "Bring me to Bionic!"
"Mercy! Mercy!" yelled Tricky Woo guy. Given the name of the band, we felt it was a trick.
"No mercy, Woo", seethed Tom. "We are the Evil Biting Worms Tour!"
That's pretty close to what happened, except that it was a perfectly pleasant conversation, and we didn't attack or threaten anyone. We probably should have, though. Then we could have gotten onto the bill, I think.
Instead, we went to Taylor Field, home of the Saskatchewan Roughriders, the team that got smoked in the '97 Grey Cup by my beloved Toronto Argonauts.
We walked in free, and saw the end of the opening ceremonies of the Can-Am Police Firemen games. Some country singer named Paul Brandt performed. I had not heard of him because I don't follow country. Tom and I headed outside to busk. Some girls came up to us and asked us if we knew any Paul Brandt songs. We told them that we only played originals. They told us that if it wasn't a Paul Brandt song, they didn't want to hear it. Nice girls.
So Tom and I found Paul Brandt's van, pulled him out, and beat the crap out of him.
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I am very excited. I am getting to be very well known. A major player in Canadian media wrote me a letter, and I would like to share it with you as this week's letter-of-the-week.
Dear Canadian,
Financial Corporations have never been so under attack. The very pillars of our economy are being blamed for the current global economic mess.
Financial Institutions are maligned in the media (except for the two or three newspapers I own) on a daily basis now. This adds to stress levels, which is a threat to rational decision-making. After all, if you are under stress, are you in the best mind to make major decisions?
We cannot put CEOs and other members of upper management in a position where actions affecting our economy are perhaps impaired by anxiety.
Therefore, we at Stressed-Out Bosses (S.O.B.'s) believe that if we can build golf courses stretching across the roofs of towers in the banking districts of our biggest cities, with a retractable dome for the wintertime, we can significantly lower stress amongst our most important citizens.
However, earnings are down. Two VPs in the industry are known to have made less than $1,000,000 in the most recent fiscal year. They cannot do it on their own.
With your help, S.O.B.'s can build these necessary stress-relieving additions. Without it, the future of you and your family is very much in question.
Sincerely,
Citizen Black
President
Stressed-Out Bosses
YES! I would like to donate money to help the Unfortunate with Fortunes. Please accept my donation of:
_____$500
_____$5,000
_____$50,000
_____$500,000
_____More
Until my next letter,
Jeff Stone